the trip no one wants to take

So Life can sure take you on some interesting trips when you aren’t expecting it, at all. I’m not talking about good trips, the kind you take on Spring Break with your friends or fun ones with your sister and mom (my favorite). This is the bad kind. The kind you want to wake up and remember only as a dream. Nightmare actually. My winter break was the worst ever. Wait what break? I think I had four days off before I returned to my home to find rescue vehicles, police vehicles, and fire trucks outside my house. I followed one of the police officers home. Once it turned on my road I just knew. It’s so surreal knowing something like that, when everything plays out in slow motion. Entering I found my mom, and sisters crying. Dad wasn’t breathing. Then soon I wasn’t. I recovered. He didn’t. The month from Hell followed this night of fear and pain.

His heart was saved they told us after what seemed like an eternity. Then we waited. Waited and waited for him to wake up. That night we slept at the hospital. And the next. And the next. Up to eight days. Why didn’t he wake up? A coma. These are the words you only hear on medical TV shows. A coma? Isn’t that the thing that happens in movies like While You Were Sleeping and Just Like Heaven?

His brain was the problem now. The stent fixed the heart, but all the CPR from those who loved him and those who didn’t even know him couldn’t get the necessary blood to his brain.

Thirty days. Thirty days in this state and I lost the man I never knew. Thirty days in Hell only to fall into a whole new sense of the word.

How do you survive? Not sure. I’m still trying to figure that one out. Sometimes I can go for a few days. Sometimes a few hours. Sometimes you just need to break down, to completely melt. Curl up in a ball and just listen to the rhythm of your sobs. Eventually it will soothe you. Soothe you until someone asks the dreaded question to everyone who’s not ok: “Are you okay?” Then it’s back to the sobs.

I did come back to school. A wise decision? Who knows. Functioning is not an option sometimes, but I just try to get through it. Try to wake up. Try to get up. Try to eat. Try to go to class and listen. Try to do homework. Try to read. Try to sleep. I guess that’s all I can do for now. That’s it.